Midnight Daydream


How quickly I come undone 
Like melting ice on the sun 
Why would that stop when I’m falling free 
Midnight daydream
Falling free. A whirlwind of everything. Minutes. Hours. Days. Months. Only seven weeks til I’m stateside. But first. I melted down. You know when everything around you adds up and you don’t have the mental capacity to hold it in any longer and the tears just fall. And you don’t really know the exact reason. They just fall. Like I couldn’t pass by another homeless person without picturing their story or look another kid selling me a newspaper without wondering “why aren’t you in school?” Or holding my breath on my run because of the sewer stench. I just need to keep my eyes focused on the blue sky and bright morning sun colors. That day. I just couldn’t hold it in any longer. The day I wished my room was all glass so I could see outside from my bed. The four walls were claustrophobic that morning. Oh how I wished for so many windows. 
The next day was better. And the days that followed I regained mental strength. Because how else is a person supposed to keep living in a perfect bubble without a reality check? A realidty check of personal strength, depths to love, and a clearer vision of this beautiful world. I couldn’t contain the bubble any longer. I had to pop it. Again and again. To fully know myself. To know the world. To see people. and be able to look them in the eye. Maybe somedays I don’t want to pop the bubble of my world. Somedays I want to hide behind my own reality and not enter into someone else’s reality. Because that’s tough. Allowing yourself to be exposed into judgement and criticism that’s often returned with unexpected love and kindness. Forgiving your own selfish judgements and in return trying to love the first time before the judgments sink in and take over. 
Good Friday. The day He died for us. Let it continue to be a Good Day. Because Life took our place. And Love redeemed us all. For our sins. For our judgments. And then He Rose Again; on the third day. Easter.

And this year. We don’t have to work. My dear friend and I will go to Friday morning Good Friday service. I am so excited. To be able to be surrounded by a community of believers. For the first time in my abroad travels. I am so blessed.

My Australian friend and I did a “stay cation” at a local hotel. We ate at local side street restaurants and found a new cafe. Watched the sunset and ate dessert. Got pampered with a pedicure too. So relaxing and wonderful to spend the night away from my house. The hotel was clean and smelled lovely!

Sunday Morning. Easter Morning. Woke up at 3 am for 4am service. I found myself seated in a red plastic chair under a dark sky. Colored lights changed to light up the outside stage area. Church. Guitars strummed and the piano played. Scriptures were read. I brought the English translation. Songs sung in Bahasa mimicked those ones I grew up with. Sacred singing in a foreign language with words I have trouble pronouncing sometimes. I do my best. Holy Morning. Sun breaking through the darkening sky. We prayed and the next thing the sky had split to blue. Amazing. A cool breeze against the warming day. Our Lord Has Risen!

Coffee and cafe chat afterwards. A beautiful sunny morning. Ran in the park later. And now the thunderclouds roll in to pour down the rain and cool the earth again. Fresh breeze. Island smells. Dirt. Fish. Flowers. All perfumed together.

The past month has been filled with sunrises and sunsets…Cannot believe it’s April~

kids waiting for cake at
I-Care Community Saturday event

cafe signs.

my lovely students

Good Friday lunch
voted Makassar Favorite Culinary…

red velvet cupcakes

splitsky sunset

Easter Morning

Come Mister Tally Man…
Tally me banana
Daylight come…

looking up from a park bench on Easter Sunday…

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