Where I Am Right Now

Sunny Sunday…Catching up on the past few weeks…

my perch

caramel latte


February 1st. The first month of 2015 is complete. For the past month I have been sick on and off and one week I took a day off of school, which I have never done. Being sick abroad is the worst. Luckily my classes were able to be covered by teachers who had breaks at that time. There are no paid sick days unless you have a doctor’s note so my DOS (Director of Studies, also interchangeably used with manager) took me on that Friday. The doctor spoke some English. Her office was in a building shared with a pharmacist and another doctor. It was not at a hospital, but down a side street in a neighborhood. She prescribed antibiotics and gave me some other stuff for my stomach. Since I am hesitant to take meds (especially in a foreign country) I decided to just continue resting and staying away from street food. So far I felt like more myself in the past week than almost the whole time I’ve been here. Thank You for all the get-well wishes and prayers!!! 🙂

We have started working two Saturdays a month. The first Saturday (in January) we had a dance practice for the EF 50th Hello Dance. View headquarters dance here. We have to make our own video for EF Makassar. On the second Saturday (31st) we had an event for our older students at the mall. My team Won!!! The prize? Cash to be used to hang out. We also did the dance on Sunday to close out the educational fair.

Monday night conversation with my winning team!!!

My friend Lini introduced me to the traditional Indonesian cream bath. So lovely. What a treat: scalp/back/neck massage, blow dry and straighten. It’s beautiful. I must admit, I love getting my hair done!!!

Sat at my Warkop on Sunday morning before going to the mall. Gray skies from night rains, cool breeze. Random strangers approach me and ask where I live. Sometimes it’s overwhelming. Beggars asking for money. I don’t know what to do. Somedays I feel I just walk around in a daze. The other day my roommate pointed out the sludge on the spigot in our bathroom is what we shower in. Somedays I just want my shower to smell like flowers and have steam rise from the water. Days like today I am homesick. Usually when this happens I know I need sleep and everything will be fine.

Lini and me!
What a sweet friend~

And now it’s the 8th. Happy Birthday to my baby brother today. Love ya Jake! At a new cafe called Esprezza. It’s fabulous. Cozy, variety of seating, delicious food, and delightful caramel lattes. I am catching up on this blog. I wrote on receipts yesterday at Cafe Mama. It was a sunny afternoon for patio sitting.

Cafe Mama

So it goes…my thoughts…

This song. Where I am Right Now. Describes every thought I’ve had. I’m so ready to be moving on, in my head I’m already gone. But your voice is crystal clear. I’m called to be…where I am right now. I have things to do here. I have challenges to overcome. And love and laughter to share. Somedays I don’t want to be strong and face the outside world, but when I see the sunshine peak through the trees in our backyard from the outside bathroom. I am so thankful for the warmth and blue skies. The storm is not just the torrential rains during the rainy season, but monsoons of thoughts pouring in my head trying to prevent them from spilling over into an unconfined space potentially causing floods. Looking for a hundred ways. For an excuse, a better option, a different path out of this storm. Lord make me single-minded. You are here with me. I know deep down in my heart not to doubt. It’s just my mind thinking I should be somewhere else doing something else. But You have called me to be- Where I am Right Now- And the enemy that tells the lie~I’m missing out on a better life. A better life. What am I missing out on? I will admit it’s easy to imagine a life that is “better.” “Better” meaning luxuries and things such as hot water, paved roads, organized traffic, no sewage in the streets, a room with windows, and a million other things. You know where I need to be. A better life with you means freedom, beauty, love, joy, and peace.

Opening my eyes and heart~ You can move me anytime. What a prayer to pray! I mean really, because if I pray this prayer it means I’m letting go of myself more and clinging and trusting and becoming closer to Him. My ambitions become trivial compared to His plan that I ultimately seek. Each country. Each experience has prepared me for the next. Every friend I make…has been on purpose. Will I end up in my state or city of choice? (And the endless questions of what job will I have? who will I marry? etc etc.) For every country has been a mystery, an uncharted decision; but with a draw. A feel. A whisper to go. I can’t explain. And some days I complain about everyday nuisances. Maybe I feel like I have to cover up the joy I feel, the beauty I see; that I can’t allow myself to fully be happy in a place because those I love aren’t here to share it or won’t understand… how somedays I love the chaos and other days it makes me want to cry. That maybe you catch me when I’ve seen children with no shoes roaming the muddy streets or given a mother begging a smile or maybe you catch me me on a day that the kids were making me laugh with their antics. Bear with me and my roller coaster. I want so badly to share, to write, to tell stories. Like how my 5 year kiddos exclaim to me; “Miss I am freaking out! I can’t draw a niece or nephew!” or how I understand basic Chinese that my students think is so funny so speak because it’s “not Bahasa.”

This author, Jen Hatmaker... in one of her recent blog posts she talks about becoming a writer. Because sometimes my spoken words fail me, cause destruction by inconsideration, get jumbled when they are said…writing for me, signifies clarity in my mind. Because even if my writing is a jumbled mess, my mind is cleansed. I need days when I don’t speak to anyone for most of it and then go to a cafe with a dear friend to laugh in the evening. I need these days to refresh my thoughts and to focus.

cozy cafe
lovely friend

I want to start running again. I miss it. Lifting weights and plyometric activities just aren’t cutting it. And treadmill running for a minute feels like an hour. I can take a taxi to a nearby park or start getting up earlier, before the morning rush hits to run in the street. A slight inconvenience, but I need to get back to me. No more of this sleeping late and laying in bed all morning. I also want to consume less chocolate…less sugar in general. I eat so much of it and this habit needs to be modified. Hopefully with these revamped habits I will continue feeling more like myself and prevent me from getting sick again. February goals!!!

Cheers~

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